Tampilkan postingan dengan label Marriage. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label Marriage. Tampilkan semua postingan

Sabtu, 13 Oktober 2012

A Husband, His Wife, & Late Night Giggles

It was the middle of the night and Husband and I were in bed. I was sound asleep; he was lying next to me, quietly thinking, as is his way sometimes. At any rate, a noise startled both of us (it woke me up and broke his train of thought) and for some reason, it was flat out HILARIOUS. Try as I might to block it out and go back to sleep, I got a case of the giggles instead. What didn't help was that my husband started laughing too, and making jokes about the situation.



So there we were, giggling, laughing, and whispering like crazy. I was worried that we might wake the children because we were laughing so much! My husband isn't one that always knows how to laugh quietly. And anyone that knows him will tell you that his laugh alone will make you want to laugh, too--even if you don't know what he's laughing about. We were in pretty bad shape!



It took about 10-15 minutes or so before we could gather ourselves enough to stop all of the fun we were having. We finally went to sleep, and had a peaceful night's rest. That night's fun and laughter made me think of this:




Pinned Image

 So. True. :o)






READ MORE - A Husband, His Wife, & Late Night Giggles

Jumat, 03 Agustus 2012

Brownies, Chick-Fil-A, and a Generator







In my life this week…

    God is showing me how to trust in Him. As a song once said, "I'm leaning, depending on Jesus, every step of the way. . ."

    Also, we are having a generator installed (as I type this). The black out we experienced early last month was such a doozey for our family, my husband could take it no longer. The power always goes out in our area--just let one little wind gust come through and it's over! But this time around, we lost so much food, gas stations were running out of gas, hotels were completely booked, grocery stores and restaurants were closed. . .it was pretty chaotic.

In our homeschool this week…

    Lots of math. My girls are little math machines! And, we're continuing to learning about ancient Rome and Julius Caesar. Caesar was one character! New materials for the upcoming year are starting to arrive in the mail--exciting!

Places we’re going and people we’re seeing…

    We went to Chick-Fil-A on Wednesday to show our support for a Christian who was unashamed to share his religious convictions concerning a Biblical definition of marriage--one man, one woman. My children and I went for lunch and my husband went after dinner. We were both supported and attacked for our actions. But, our conviction about marriage remains. . .God's Word cannot lie.

My favorite thing this week was…

    Talking to my brother on the phone. We live in different states (13 hour drive!) and I miss him dearly.

What’s working/not working for us…

    Scripture memory is working very well for all, including me. Memorizing the books of the Bible is going well, too. So far, we're all the way up to Ezra. It's amazing how much little ones can memorize!

Things I’m working on…

    Trying to flesh out a new daily school schedule for the fall, since my little JR will officially be in kindergarten this year. I'm also trying to take the time to plan art, music, and health a bit more thoroughly than last year, especially art. It does NOT come naturally to me, but my oldest has natural talent. So she's pushing me to stay on top of things! 

I’m crocheting…



    A little bag that I can use to store all of my grocery bags in. I reuse and recycle all plastic shopping bags, but I need a better way to store them.  The pattern is originally meant to hold a 2-liter soda bottle, but I thought it would be great for the plastic bags. I'm making the one on the left, except I'm using all blue.




Americana Evaporative Beverage Cooler -- #knit and #crochet patterns
"Americana Evaporative Beverage Cooler"

from lionbrand.com.

I’m cooking…

    The girls and I made brownies! We got the recipe from Pinterest and it's so yummy. The only thing I would change is the salt--I'd halve it or ditch it altogether, but other than that, it's a keeper. More than half the pan is gone and we just made them Wednesday night! Go HERE for the recipe.

    


    Cream Cheese Brownies with Chocolate Frosting ..GOTTA TRY!!!
    This pic is from the original recipe blog post.

    Don't they look good?


I’m grateful for…

    so many things; if I had ten thousand tongues it still wouldn't be enough to say, "Thank You, Lord!"

I’m praying for…

    my Dad.

A photo, video, link, or quote to share…

READ MORE - Brownies, Chick-Fil-A, and a Generator

Senin, 30 Juli 2012

A Simple Blessing, A Great God

I had a concern, something that was bothering me, just a little bit.

You see, my husband and I agreed that a certain purchase needed to be made, but he hadn't yet given me the "green light" to go ahead and make the purchase.

My husband is a man of his word, so I knew he would give me the green light, but I didn't know when.



Well, a bit of impatience began to creep up. I would think to myself, making the purchase now would benefit me in these ways. . . and I would ramble out a long list of why now was better. So when talking to myself wasn't enough (don't laugh, you know you do it, too!! LOL), I began to "motivate" my husband. You know, little comments here and there, just in case he forgot--translation: I was beginning to get on his nerves! (Never a good idea, Ladies!!)



So, I had a different conversation with myself. Stacie, just because Husband isn't "reacting" to the delay in the purchase, doesn't mean that he doesn't understand the importance of it. Stacie, have you gone to God to help you be patient in the time of waiting???



Well, I went to God and told Him all of what I was feeling. . .several times. . .especially when I wanted to "remind" my husband about the purchase. Well guess what??? Not only did my Heavenly Father give me patience, but He also reminded me that there was work on my part that needed to be done: Stacie, have you finalized the items to be purchased? If your husband asks you right now what the final cost would be, would you be able to give him an answer?



Mmm. In other words, before I go around reminding others what needs to be done, I need to be about my own business first! So, I set to work on doing my part. I still had moments when I wanted to remind my husband, but quickly remembered that before I opened my mouth, I should continue my work and continue to pray.



Well, what do you know! In a random conversation today, Husband gave me the green light!!! But the part that's even more amazing than that is the way God blessed my efforts. You see, I am not perfect. I didn't even get all of "my part" completed. But, I got a good chunk of it finished and because of the Holy Spirit's power, I managed not to nag my husband.



God blessed my efforts! I tried to do it His way and He finished the rest, which reminds me of the Scripture: ". . .being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;" (Philipians1:6



What a loving Father, Who gives me good things even when I don't deserve it, Who works in my favor in exchange for all of my worries. What a model for parenting. . . blessing my children for their faithful efforts, for giving it a try.
READ MORE - A Simple Blessing, A Great God

Jumat, 22 Juni 2012

11 Years: His and Hers Umbrellas




Pinned Image
Photo Credit

Eleven years ago today, I married the man God had for me, my gift, my love. I am so blessed to be called his wife.



Over the years, there has been so much God has taught us and shown us through our relationship with each other as husband and wife:





His love, His grace, His mercy, respect, honor, prayer, leading, submission, family life, holding steady, firmly planting, growth, responsibility, getting back up, dreaming, trying again, smiles, laughter, belief, lifting up, letting go, charity, protection, time spent, sharing, togetherness, unity, raising children, love, listening, whispers at night, sacrificing willingly, forgiveness, thanksgiving, new life, comfort. . .





I am so unbelievably grateful to God for His many blessings by way of marriage, so thankful for a husband who is honest and true.





Yesterday, my husband and I were talking about Biblical marriage, the relationships between Christ and the church, husband and wife--the ways in which marriage should be reflective, mirroring Christ's example--no confusion, but the understanding of each one's part in the complete equation. He grabbed a pencil and drew an image for me, one he'd seen circling the Internet. I found it online:







Pinned Image
Photo credit and great article on marriage


He went on to explain, from a husband's point of view, the topics of leadership and submission. He told me: "Stacie, although you submit to me, I'm supposed to cover you. Because if I don't, the next in line is Jesus and I have to answer to Him. If I'm not protecting you and the kids, if I let people "throw rocks" and attack you guys, then I'm not doing what I'm supposed to. If you don't follow my leadership, I'm still responsible for you. So, it isn't so much, "Oh, she gets to submit to me because I'm the leader!" but rather, if my house is not in order, I have to answer to Jesus, because He holds me accountable. I'm your covering, under Jesus."





Talk about a wife's heart melting in admiration, in love, and in appreciation because I am loved by him. . . and I am loved by Him.





Happy #11, Husband!





Linked with:


Growing Home







READ MORE - 11 Years: His and Hers Umbrellas

Rabu, 20 Juni 2012

Frugal: Foundations and Future



Okay, let's get something straight right off the bat, my husband is WAAAAYYYYY better at handling the finances than I am. Budgeting was an unknown word until I met him. I was just glad to be able to meet monthly bills--life seemed great!! He, on the other hand, had more vision, more forward thinking. "Stacie," sweet Husband says to me, "we should work on paying our bills off, not just meeting the monthly payments. We also want to save up and budget what we will spend." Say what?!?!?!



I must say that 11 years ago, at the beginning of our marriage, that did NOT sit well with me at all, considering the financial hardships I encountered as a young girl. After all my childhood experiences, life was good in my book if you could pay your bills on time and then go and buy whatever you wanted with the money left over. At any rate, I did not fully submit to the vision, the purpose, the cause, my husband's wishes. . .whatever you want to call it. I didn't "get it" and I fought. . .HARD.



Now, I didn't make any "crazy" purchases, I didn't go get into any debt, I didn't go and buy something without my husband's approval. But in my heart--I was so not on board!! I didn't spend my money wisely all the time and I learned many, many tough lessons.



Fast forward through many tears, through the Lord growing me up, through the Lord opening my eyes to understand my husband's vision, through my husband's words, his example, his teaching me. . .fast forward and I'm beginning to see God's hand in it all.



If I had not learned to live modestly when we were a 2-income household, how much harder it would be when I stopped working to stay at home. If I had not learned to live modestly when it was just my husband and me, how much harder it would have been to raise 4 children on one income. Why did I fight so much? Sometimes I wish I could rewind and do it again.



But God is so good and kind and gracious. He's shown me what obedience to Him, by submitting to my husband, can do. The Lord has shown me how to trust in Him when He gives my husband a vision that I don't understand. The Lord is showing me the legacy that will be left to our children: one that says spending lavishly does NOT denote love or one's worth; one that says from the heart is better than any pricey gift there ever is; one that says earthly treasures can never measure up to the eternal treasure that awaits us.



God has given me strength and resolve to resist temptation to spend outside of our means and I am so pleased to be able to honor my husband in this way. {I don't think I could have uttered even half of this sentence years ago!!}



I apologize for the rambling of thoughts. This was just on my heart!





Linked with:


I Live in An Antbed
READ MORE - Frugal: Foundations and Future

Jumat, 11 Mei 2012

Marriage

My heart is SO disappointed by what our President has declared, stating that as an extension of his Christian faith, he believes that same-sex marriage should be accepted.



I believe as Christians, we must be EXTREMELY careful what we say, especially when we attach Christ to it. Also, I believe as Christians, we must proclaim the message of God with boldness and be unashamed. . .so here goes:



According to my faith as a Christian, and the Truth found in the Word of God, the Bible, I believe that Holy Matrimony (Marriage) is ordained by God, created for one man and one woman. {Gen. 2:22-25, Matt. 19:4-6, Mark 10:6-9, Lev. 18:22, Lev. 20:13, Rom. 1:24-27}

Yes, I have sinned and I'm sure I'll sin again (thank God for His Grace and Redemption, because I need it!). But just because I have sinned doesn't mean that I cannot, or should not, proclaim the Truth found in God's Word.




This is not a political message. This is not a social message. This is not a message to gain popularity. This is not a trendy message. This is not a hate message. What it is, is a message of Love. I cannot Love when I don't tell the Truth.


"Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful." -Proverbs 27:5, 6
READ MORE - Marriage

Senin, 07 Mei 2012

Mother's Day At Any Time??




{This is a post from last year, but it's timely. And, since I still struggle with this, I thought I should repost it.}



So, I know it's the middle of July and Mother's Day was officially months ago. But, I've been on a bit of a journey between then and now, and there's something I want to share.



When May comes around, I see all of the sweet commercials showing how husbands and children surprise mom with a wonderful gift of appreciation. In the grocery stores, there's an abundance of roses, balloons, and candy, just perfect for mom. The card aisle becomes devoted to mom, making her cry tears of joy because of the love her family has for her.



As a result, I begin to wonder: what will my Husband get me? Will my children create something sweet? Have they all planned some big surprise? Is it a fresh-cut bouquet of my favorite flowers? Dinner out to some fancy restaurant? Maybe it's going to be a fabulous breakfast in bed? What about one of those necklaces--you know the ones with the gemstones representing each one of my children? What will it be?!?!



Horrible, I know, but I think you get the picture. . .I probably could go on and on. In our society, we are saturated with this message: "Because I am a mother, I am supposed to receive special recognition by way of material things. Things, things, these things are what should bring me honor. . ." And there I sit, glued to commercials, flipping through magazines, embracing a message that not only do I deserve these things, I should also drop "hints" all over the place on the best ways to honor me.



Mmmm. . . .let's go to the Word. . .




She watches over the ways of her household,




And does not eat the bread of idleness.


Her children rise up and call her blessed;




Her husband also, and he praises her:


“ Many daughters have done well,




But you excel them all.”


Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,




But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.


Proverbs 31:27-30



If you are familiar with the "Proverbs 31 Woman," then you know there are many wonderful, noble, and excellent things that she does for her household. The way she manages her time and makes provisions with what she has; how she cares for her household; and the way she brings honor to her husband, all to the glory of God. With all that she does to care for her home and those she loves, not once does this passage mention that she deserves to be rewarded with gifts and material things to reflect her worth.



How is this beautiful woman, the very epitome of Biblical womanhood, just how is she "rewarded"?



With the fruit of praise from the lips of her husband and children.





They simply tell her what she's worth . . .



In the days and weeks after Mother's Day, the Holy Spirit really impressed this upon my heart. In talking with my Husband about it, his thoughts were that he can honor me at any time as wife and mother, so why the pressure to do it only one day out of the year, in a certain way, with certain "things" and unspoken expectations?



So, I walk away thinking, Lord, when does my family honor me? What are their words of praise? When do they tell me what I'm worth to them? All the while I'm asking these questions, still holding on to the societal expectation of things, because things mean I'm a good mother, right? Isn't what I do year-round supposed to be summed up and reflected on Mother's day, by way of all the things I get?



The Holy Spirit urges me: stay in My Word, continue to care for your family and home, serve Me when you serve them, and most importantly pay attention--don't be dismissive. I'm like, pay attention? What am I missing? So, I've tried to quiet myself as I go about my days, still wondering and trying to pay closer attention. . .



I begin to notice things, that really aren't out of the ordinary, but shed so much light: My son randomly says, Mommy, can I give you a kiss? I love you! My daughter tells me, Mommy I just want to hang around you today. My oldest daughter watches me as I do the laundry and asks me to write down some tips so she can wash clothes the way I do. My husband says, babe, dinner was good, what did you put in it . . . Mom, we love you. . . Stacie, thanks for making that appointment for me. . .Mommy is like our nurse, she always makes us feel better when we're sick . . .Honey, I'm glad you've been working with the kids on "this and that". . .



These words, these little tidbits here and there. . . it is the praise of their lips!! They honor me more than I've given them credit for. . .they've already told me and continue to tell me what I am worth to them. Just pay attention, Stacie!



I am humbled, and also horrified at how I dismissed their words, their awesome, precious praise, in exchange for wanting things. . .things that don't measure up to their expressions of what I am worth, their love and appreciation for me. May God forgive me.



It has certainly been a journey. And though my flesh may still struggle, I am over joyed at the possibilities that come from a new way to think about my worth as a mom and wife. Their unprompted, un-asked for, non-hint dropping, precious praise is what I must treasure in my heart.



My family is teaching me that any day (or moment) can be Mother's Day.



Linked with:



Growing Home


READ MORE - Mother's Day At Any Time??

Senin, 19 Maret 2012

Let Your Husband Help You



I want my Husband to trust me, to be confident in me and my abilities to keep our home.



But sometimes, especially in certain seasons in life, I need a bit of help. . . .shocker?!?!



No, not at all. . .I'm human and I will come up short. Way short.



However, I'm blessed to have a husband who realizes that being the keeper of the home doesn't always fit into a neat, little 9am-5pm box. Life happens. . .BIG TIME.



So, he cooked breakfast this morning and washed up last night's dishes (I know, last night's dishes!); a couple of nights ago, he put the left-overs away while I tended to the baby; he tries to come up with strategies for making grocery shopping easier*; he orders food once in a while to lighten my cooking tasks, he's suggested that he can pitch in on the weekends to help with cleaning. . .



What woman wouldn't want a husband who does things like this? Well, I have to admit that I fought him on some of them, thinking that if I accepted his help, that meant that he would think less of me, less of my ability to "get it all done."

Pure. Foolishness. I know.



What I realize is that when my husband sees a need, he seeks a solution. Instead of me hearing his suggestions as "criticism," I should hear them as "wise counsel."

What I also realize is that when I am in need and I reject his help, it is then that he feels like he cannot safely trust in me and my abilities. (Let that sink in for a moment--it hit me, too!)



Accepting his help gives him the confidence to know that: I am not too proud, I'm wise enough to take advantage of his help, and he can trust that in the future when I need his assistance, I'll be faithful to accept it.



To sum it all up, I have to let my husband help me if I want him to be confident in me. It's cyclical folks!




The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.


-Proverbs 31:11




*Homeschooling Moms of 4 or more, how do/did you go grocery shopping when your children were small?*




Linked with:








Growing Home
READ MORE - Let Your Husband Help You

Sabtu, 05 November 2011

Husband. . .









Husband, as I affectionately call him, is my very best friend. I am so thankful to be his wife. He has shown me so much, encouraged me in so many things--to be better, to do better, to remain steadfast, to dig deeper. I love him for this, because without him, I don't think I would have pushed myself outside of my comfort zone. I am thankful to be under his leadership, thankful for his boldness for Christ, thankful for his willingness to protect our children, thankful for his determination, thankful for the ways in which he sacrifices for me--thus demonstrating his love. As he will readily tell you, Husband is not a perfect man, but he is just right for me.






Dinner Cruise--Wedding Anniversary 2010





Thank You, God for the husband You gave me. He has been a great gift; thank You!



READ MORE - Husband. . .

Rabu, 26 Oktober 2011

Is My Home a Haven? (Week #4)









I can't believe we are in the last full week of October already! My, time is FLYING!! This challenge always seems to come right on time in my life--right in the midst of a lot going on. Why is October always busy??? Things that make you go: "Mmmm?" At any rate, it has been a blessing to intentionally take the time to slow down, pray, sing a song of praise on purpose and usher the God of Peace into my home.



It's a blessing because my family notices, too. My daughter has said to me, "Mommy, I just love being part of a family!" Aww, insert mommy tears here! What a lovely thing to say. Thank you, Jesus, because she feels secure, happy and loved in our home. I also told my husband that I was doing this challenge and he teasingly said, "Yes, and another way to make your home a haven is to put pumpkins around the house. . ." LOL!!! He was referring to the fall decorations I put up . . . I love the fall season! Although he was kidding, he has noticed my efforts to create a cozy atmosphere. . . pumpkins and all! :o)






Here's one of my little "pumpkin" displays on our wood stove.

Click HERE to find out how to make your own pumpkins!



So, moving on to this week's tasks, which are all about adding tender moments:

1) Think of ways to create some family time: pillow fights, game nights, movie time; whatever special moments you want to create.

2) Add some tender touches: hugs, kisses, back rubs, holding hands; whatever communicates gentleness and love for your family.

3) Continue last week's tasks.



Well this hasn't been too much of a challenge, because we generally are a lovey-dovey family. But it has been fun to lay on an extra dose of lovin' around here! My younger daughter has probably enjoyed this the most. She is my most tactile child, her sense of touch is keen. She loves fabrics and textures and is very affectionate. But with all of my children, my extra hugs have been returned with random hugs and kisses of their own. Out of nowhere, I am blessed with an "I love you, Mommy" or "Hugs, please!"



I've also been able to share some tender moments with Husband as well. On Monday, he came home from work early, and my normal start to dinner is about an hour later. So, he ate a snack while I finished sweeping, and then we sat down on the couch to just flat-out cuddle, hold hands and talk. The kids were up, running around and playing. And in the midst of it, there we sat, enjoying each other's company. So sweet! Then last night, we watched a TV show that we both enjoyed, no computers, no phone calls, just him and me, and 2 bowls of ice cream! All impromptu moments, but seizing those moments is what was important.



As for some fun family time, today my kids and I had a pajama day! Last night my son requested one and I told him, yes! We finished up all of our schooling early and ate lunch on blankets spread on the living room floor. We do something like this every now and then and my children always get a kick out of it. We also watched the Prince of Egypt (great movie for children about Moses!).






Doing school work in their PJs . . . the joys of homeschooling!






Yes, Mommy participated in pajama day, too!






SJ cheesin' at lunch time!






JR and TM mesmerized by the movie!



So that's been the happenings around here. I encourage you all to seize the little moments to be tender with your family. It doesn't have to be big, outlandish, or planned way in advance. I think anytime is a good time for a hug, a compliment, or a gentle pat on the back.



READ MORE - Is My Home a Haven? (Week #4)

Senin, 03 Oktober 2011

I Really LIKE My Husband



Today is day 3 of the Time-Warp Wife's 31 Days of Love Challenge, where wives are encouraged to love their husbands each day.



Today, the blog post title was, "Do You Like Your Husband?" And I must say, YES!!! I mean a loud, resounding, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Of course I love him. . .he is an awesome provider, a wonderful, loving father, and a sweet, sweet husband.



But in addition to these things, I can say, that I LIKE him. He is my very best friend. He has seen me at my absolute worse and always pushes me to do my best. He makes me laugh every. single. day. No, really, ladies. . .literally. It can be about something that may have happened during the day or something that happened years ago--but he can always make me laugh. And I'm not talking a little polite giggle here or there. I'm talking the gut-wrenching, tear-falling, laid-out-on-the-floor laughing!



Another thing that develops our friendship is keeping each other involved in our personal interests. For example, he knows about my little piece of the blogging world and he shows interest by listening to my thoughts, offering suggestions, and sometimes reading other blogger's posts with me. I ask him how my blog design looks and tell him when I find new gadgets or widgets to add. He even asks me about some of my readers that I've grown close to and have formed friendships with. It's important to me and I shared it with him, and so it builds our friendship.






Our faces tinted blue from the computer screen! LOL

(Photo taken one winter a couple of years ago.)



On the other hand, my husband loves football. He was a very successful football player in high school and in college and so it's in him! So every fall, we watch tons of football. But I honestly don't mind. You want to know why? Because my husband took the time to explain the game to me. (Yes, I was clueless about football when we first met!) He's pretty passionate about it, and he wanted to share that with me. Even now, I still have questions and he ALWAYS explains it to me. That keeps me interested, and so it builds our friendship.



I'm thankful that my husband and I are in love and that we genuinely LIKE each other!!



In what ways do you and your husband build your friendship within your marriage?

For a few ideas, check out today's post at the Time-Warp Wife.



Also linked with:







Celebrating Family
READ MORE - I Really LIKE My Husband

Kamis, 30 Juni 2011

Civil Unions In Rhode Island And The State Of Gay Marriage

Rhode Island's state legislature had passed a civil unions bill that its Governor is sure to sign.

Rhode Island joins four other states — Hawaii, Illinois, New Jersey and Delaware — that have legalized civil unions, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures. Several other states recognize domestic partnerships, while six have legalized same-sex marriage, as has the District of Columbia[.]

In terms of terminology, civil unions are marriage in all but name, and domestic partnerships are "marriage minus." But, it isn't clear yet whether all three will be the same in the eyes of the federal government, only marriage will count as marriage, or both marriage and civil unions will count as marriage in the eyes of the federal government. In theory, the federal government could even treat civil unions and/or domestic partnerships as marriages for some federal law purposes, but not others.

Still, we have reached a tipping point on gay rights in the United States.

The only other New England state without either gay marriage or civil unions is Maine (a year and a half ago Maine voters narrowly overturned the state's legislatively adopted marriage equality law, 53-47), but it apparently still has some form of domestic partnership law. New York, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut and District of Columbia have gay marriage. Pennsylvania and Maryland are the holdouts in the Northeast that currently lack gay marriage, civil unions or legally recognized domestic partnerships, and none of the states in the region that lack gay marriage or civil unions appears to have constitutional amendments prohibiting state legislatures from allowing gay marriage.

Rhode Island's move solidifies the Northeast block's stance that same sex couples have the same legal rights under state law as married couples, putting pressure on Maine, Pennsylvania, and Maryland, which have considered but not yet adopted such legislation (with the bills failing by narrow margins), to follow the examples set by their regional neighbors with whom they have strong ties and a history of interstate cooperation on other issues like automotive emissions and bottle recycling.

In the last tally that I saw, there were civil unions in Hawaii and domestic partnership legislation on the book in Washington State, Oregon, California and Nevada, forming a regional block of greater Pacific area states with gay friendly legislation.

California had had judicially established gay marriage until voters passed Proposition 8, but a trial court has ruled that Proposition 8 was unconstitutional, a challenge claiming that the trial court judge who ruled on the Proposition 8 case should have recused himself has been rebuffed, and the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals has essentially held that the only person who purported to appeal the trial court ruling lacked standing to appeal unless the California Supreme Court states in a legal question certified to it that the proponents of a ballot initiative always have standing to defendant constitutional challenges to that ballot initiative (which it seems unlikely to do when it rules on this issue which has been briefed and it is considering).

To make a long story short, it isn't at all beyond the realm of possibility that California will have true gay marriage (in addition to New York, which took this step earlier this year) by year end. Resisting a trend that already includes two of the nation's largest states and two whole regions of the country is not easy for its opponents, particularly without national government support with the Obama administration has denied them.

In the rest of the country, Illinois (which has civil unions) and Iowa (which has gay marriage) are an island of tolerance in an otherwise legally hostile sea, in the case of Iowa, as a result of a judicial decision that caused several Iowa Supreme Court judges who supported the ruling to lose retention elections.

The repeal date for the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy" a half-measure that kept a ban on gays in the military in force, is now set in stone by legislation.

Each legislative and court victory, shifts overall public opinion in favor of the change, because there is a natural tendency to accept the legal status quo as legitimate.

For activists in Rhode Island, winning "civil union" status rather than "marriage" status is more than a symbolic defeat, because the provision of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) that pertains to federal law recognition of state law marriages is crumbling. Court rulings holding that this part of DOMA is unconstitutional are staking up; the administration has changed its litigation strategy from one of vigorous defense of the constitutionality of this part of DOMA to half-hearted enforcement of the law until there is an authoritative judicial decision to the contrary despite publicly expressed doubt concerning its constitutionality, and federal administrative reluctance to enforce penalties that deportation of a same sex spouse. There is a strong likelihood, although it is not completely certain, that the federal law part of DOMA will be judicially ruled to be void and no longer applied by the federal government before the 2012 election.

But, even if the federal part of DOMA is held unconstitutional, it isn't obvious that a couple with a civil union or state recognized domestic partnership would be entitled to the same treatment under federal law as a married couple.

Even assuming that the federal government part of DOMA meets its demise for want to support from the Obama Administration and as a result of judicial rulings to that effect, the provision of DOMA the provides that states need not give full faith and credit to a gay marriage in a sister state is not yet the subject of a serious legal challenge, and a great many states have no form of gay marriage, civil union, or domestic partnership of their own.

Interstate recognition of gay marriages, civil unions and domestic partnerships is ill defined at the moment, even among states that have them. Wyoming is a recent example of a state that does not have its own gay marriage law, but was willing to take jurisdiction over a divorce for a same sex couple married elsewhere. The court found that a ban on marrying same sex couples did not imply a ban on divorcing them.

Many constitutionally prohibit gay marriage, and almost all that don't do so in their constitutions, prohibit it by statute. But, state constitutions, unlike the federal constitution, tend to be quite easy to amend as public opinion shifts.

Isolated rulings, however, particularly in the adoption and child custody area in states like Florida, have held that discrimination against same sex couples even if they are not married, lacks a rational basis and is unconstitutional under the 14th Amendment equal protection clause.

Indeed, the law related to children, in general, and of parental rights and responsibilities of married couples vis-a-vis non-married couples has been so completely harmonized in the context of opposite sex unmarried couples, that paternal marriage status is almost irrelevant to these issues now even in states that have strongly resisted recognition of gay rights. There are some sometimes subtle differences involved in establishing paternity, but otherwise, the formal barriers to same sex couples in relation to children have been retreating for some time.

The U.S. Supreme Court's Lawrence case ended criminal prosecutions for consensual, non-commercial sexual relationship between adults in same sex couples, and this also probably provides a comparable privilege for sexual relationships of this type between all unmarried adults who are not in a position of trust with regard to each other or incestuous. Very few states continue to have civil or criminal sanctions for adultery. Meanwhile, martial exclusions for non-statutory rape have increasingly been stripped from the law books.

From a legal perspective, marriage no longer has almost any relevance to the legal regulation of parenting or sexual activity with which it was traditionally associated. At this point, legal marriage is almost exclusively an economic relationship pertinent to default private law rules concerning property, and personal care taking, mandatory private law rules concerning financial support, and is a device that helps to structure economic obligations for taxes and economic entitlements to government benefits.

For many purposes, private documents, such as domestic partnership agreements, inheritance and beneficiary designations in wills and other documents, medical decision making, and more, can establish arrangements between couples whose state law legal incidents are equivalent to those provided by marriage, and in states like Colorado that are at first glance hostile to gay marriage, these legal arrangements are increasingly easier to put in place and adopting non-discrimination laws that include sexual orientation. Many couples never put the full package in place, but many, although not all, of the practical state law legal disabilities associated with not being married can be overcome.

Colorado was just a couple of votes short of a civil unions bill in the 2011 legislative session, it has a U.S. Congressman and a number of prominent state legislators who are openly gay or lesbian, it has a U.S. Senator, Michael Bennet, who is co-sponsoring DOMA repeal, and its Governor is a supporter of gay rights who made a high profile appearance at this year's Denver Pridefest. Colorado's designated beneficiary act is just a notch short of a full domestic partnership law, Denver has a process by which couples can register as domestic partners, Colorado has included sexual orientation in almost all of its non-discrimination laws, and Colorado has made other same sex couple friendly adjustments to other aspects of its private law. If Democrats regain control of the state house in 2012, and possibly even if public opinion shifts even a small number of state legislative votes in the 2012 legislative session, Colorado will probably have civil unions by 2012 or 2013.

The solid regional blocks of legal recognition for same sex couples that are in place now and growing will make denial of full faith and credit look increasingly bigoted and will make this denial increasingly administratively cumbersome as a practical manner.

The Denver Post today cited statistics from the Census Bureau identifying more than 16,000 people who are gay or lesbian partners living together in 2010 up from a little more than 10,000 in 2000. About a quarter are in Denver, and thousands more are in the metropolitan area. It is increasingly easy for same sex couples to have a marriage or civil union somewhere, and to the extent that out of state couples are given the opportunity to marry in states that do permit same sex marriages, this will presumably provide full recognition at the federal level nationwide if the federal government portion of DOMA is held unconstitutional, even if the states where the couples reside do not themselves recognize their marriages as valid.

For example, suppose that the federal government portion of DOMA is invalidated and two men from Denver get married in New York City, and then return to Denver. They file their federal tax returns as a married couple filing jointly. Colorado law provides that state taxable income is a fixed percentage of federal taxable income. But, this state tax rule is hard to apply if Colorado does not permit couples that are treated as married filing jointly for federal tax purposes to be taxed with the same filing status at the state level.

DOMA does not appear to allow one state to invalidate an adoption of a child by a same sex couple granted in another state. Community property rights that were accrued by members of same sex couples in a state that gives their relationship formal legal status equivalent to marriage probably persist, even if the couples moves to other non-community property states, and give rise, at least, to a partition right, if not a right to a true divorce proceeding. The more that this issues become practical ones immersed in people's everyday lives, rather than exceptional issues of principle, the less controversial they will become.
READ MORE - Civil Unions In Rhode Island And The State Of Gay Marriage

Jumat, 10 Juni 2011

Is Colorado Revised Statutes Section 14-2-205 Still Good Law?

Wife's land subject to judgment. When any woman against whom liability exists marries and has or acquires lands, judgment on such liability may be rendered against her and her husband jointly, to be levied on such lands only.

- Section 14-2-205, Colorado Revised Statutes.

The statute above, part of the Married Women's Property Act passed very early on in Colorado's history (actually a few years before its admission to statehood when it was under the territorial legislature rather than the state legislature), remains on the books exactly as it read when it was enacted in the late 1800s as part of a general package of legislation that reformed the common law rule that a married woman was subsumed as one person with her husband who was vested with all of her property, upon marrying and ceased to have an of the legal rights of an adult person. Most of the sections of the act had that effect.

But, this section, by its terms (despite the fact that the heading for the section doesn't give a clue that this is the case), this section would suggest that if a woman had an unpaid debt from before the marriage, married, and then, for example, acquired a home which she and her husband co-owned, that both the half of the home owned by her, and the half of the home owned by him would be subject to liquidation for payment of the debt, despite the fact that it was her sole pre-marital debt that he wouldn't otherwise have any personal liability upon, and that the reverse (in the case of a man with premarital debts) would not be true. This gives creditors access to more assets than they would otherwise have available to them from which to collect debts of recently married women.

While some debts contracted for "necessities" by a married person in a single spouse's name may be the responsibility of the other spouse, and a spouse may be responsible for the other spouse's automobile accident liability under the "family car doctrine," the general rule is that a spouse is never legally responsible for the other spouse's sole debts and that one spouse's interest in land cannot be seized for the other spouse's debts in the absence of a fraudulent transfer.

The statute surely violates the intermediate scrutiny test for gender distinctions under the 14th Amendment's equal protection clause, but normally the remedy would be simply to say that wives who co-own real estate with their husbands have responsibility for their husbands' pre-marital debts just as husbands do for their wives under this statute.

This is the standard way that statutes that use masculine language only are interpreted and the reverse ought to be true, even though this is a case where the original intent of the statute (enacted when the 14th Amendment didn't apply, interestingly) was probably not to do so, because it was enacted in response to previously unequal treatment of the pre-marital debts of husbands and wives.

The law in Colorado's case, however, probably due to wholesale copying from the laws of some other state, corrected a problem that Colorado didn't have. Unlike some states in the Eastern United States, Colorado has never had the doctrine of tenancies by the entireties that prohibited judgment liens against a single spouse from attaching to a single spouse's interest in real property co-owned by a husband and wife. So, a husband and wife purchasing real property as co-owners does not impair the ability of a wife's pre-marital creditors to collect from her as it would, for example, in Boston where the tenancies by the entireties doctrines survives.

But, there is no obvious constitutional principle that would prohibit the law from making all of real estate jointly owned by spouses subject to the pre-marital claims of one of the spouses, and the general rule is that statutes are given effect according to their plain language. In order to escape the claim of a creditor that this expands their collection rights, a debtor husband would have to argue that the law doesn't really mean what it seems to say on its face, given the larger intent of the Married Women's Property Acts to simply treat married women the same way that unmarried women are treated in private law. This argument could be made, and its disuse suggests that there are widespread assumptions that creditors don't have this right, but such an argument would hardly be a slam dunk. Moreover, most individual consumer debt collection defendants (and some of the lawyers who represent them) aren't legally sophisticated enough to make that kind of argument.

Interestingly, there is not a single reported case that has ever discussed this statute in the entire history of Colorado, despite the fact that this would be a rule that would seem to favor creditors in debt-collection actions that could benefit that class of creditors thousands of times per year. The leading treatise on debt collection law in Colorado, by Stephen W. Siefert, "Colorado Creditors' Remedies - Debtors' Relief," doesn't ever mention the statute once. Neither does the treatise, "Colorado Family Law and Practice," by Frank L. McGuane, Jr. and Kathleen A. Hogan. While this could simply be a function of the law being unambiguous, the more likely reality is that it is forgotten and not utilized because it doesn't make logical sense in the context of the contemporary was that we think about the property rights of married people. Most lawyers don't expect it to be there and therefore don't look for it, and don't expect it to work, in the rare cases where they do know about it and it does apply by its terms to a case.
READ MORE - Is Colorado Revised Statutes Section 14-2-205 Still Good Law?

Rabu, 25 Mei 2011

Parental Rights For The Other Man

Men who father a child during an affair with a married woman have the right to seek a role in the child's life, the Kentucky Supreme Court has ruled [4-3]. In an emotionally charged decision that critics say will undermine marriage, the court reversed centuries of common law and its own 2008 ruling that held such children are presumed to be the offspring of the woman and her husband.

From here referring to this ruling.

The only think I find surprising about the result on the merits, once paternity has been established notwithstanding the non-conclusive presumption that children are the offspring of the woman and her husband, is that it was so controversial, and an examination of the opinion reveals that the issue framed by the newspaper in the quote above wasn't the real issue before the court anyway.

The common law presumption of paternity in a marriage couple is centuries old, but that presumption has rarely been interpreted as being a conclusive one and has very rarely been applied in cases where it is obvious at birth (e.g. because a child is of mixed race or the husband was away at sea or at war for the entire period when the child could have been conceived) that the child is not the genetic offspring of the mother's husband. Usually, people don't look beyond the presumption and there is no duty or expectation that married couples will affirmatively establish whether or not husbands are cuckolds, even were there are good reasons to be suspicious. In the absence of scientific testing in cases of same race fathers, where the wife continued to have sex with the husband during the affair, however, which made up most of the cases when the common law presumption was developed, there was no reliable evidentiary way to overcome the presumption, and a version of this common law approach that captured the effect of this rule but not the reasoning behind it was codified into the archaic laws of Kentucky.

So, the real controversy in the Kentucky case (notwithstanding the spin given to it by the newspaper quoted above) for five of the seven judgges was really over whether the presumption of paternity in the case of a married couple was conclusive or merely evidentiary, given the archaic language of Kentucky's family law statutes that replaced the common law in this area of law. Kentucky's past precedents which were less than clear on the issue because a 2008 decision on a similar issue produced a consensus on the outcome but not on the legal justification for that outcome. The statute gives courts jurisdiction over paternity matters in cases of children "born out of wedlock." One past interpretation of that statute reached this result by reasoning that an affair interrupted "the marital relationship" even in the absence of a divorce or physical separation, by breaking the vow of monogamy. The Kentucky Supreme Court this week took a more direct approach, holding that defines the term "born out of wedlock" in relation to a child to refer to "a child whose mother, married or not, is not married to the child's biological father" without regard to the condition of the mother's marriage.

The new rule will make it unnecessary to procure in future legal proceedings of this kind the kind of evidence considered by the trial judge in this case to the effect that:

Appellant married R.S. on October 9, 1999. They have lived together ever since. They slept in the same bed, regularly engaged in sexual intercourse, and prior to 2008 had one child, whose paternity is not at issue. From August 2007 through the spring of 2008, Appellant was involved in an intimate and secret affair with Real Party In Interest, C .H .E., who was also married but was in the process of divorce. Appellant and C.H .E. had sexual intercourse on numerous occasions between October 2007 and March 2008. Throughout the affair, however, Appellant and her husband continued having sexual intercourse on a regular basis.

According to Appellant, the affair began because her marital relationship was troubled. She professed her love to C.H .E. and told him that she wanted to leave her marriage to be with him. He professed his love for her. She lied to her husband about her whereabouts when she was with C .H .E ., and she lied about the reason his phone number often appeared on her phone bill.

In early 2008, Appellant discovered she was pregnant. By March of 2008, she decided to end the illicit affair, but admits that she did not clearly communicate that to C .H.E . Instead, she continued to have frequent, nonsexual contact with him. She met some of his family members and kept him informed about her prenatal medical care: Appellant's husband remained unaware of the affair. He testified that had they not been having regular sexual intercourse, her pregnancy would have been a "huge problem" that he would have addressed immediately.

On September 8, 2008, Appellant gave birth in Kentucky to a baby girl, N.R.S. Two weeks later, she and C .H .E. arranged for a DNA test to determine if he was the father of N.R.S. The DNA test revealed a 99.9429% probability that C.H .E . was the baby's father. When C.H.E. expressed a desire to acknowledge his daughter and to be a part of her life, Appellant informed her husband of the affair.

On October 14, 2008, C.H.E. filed a paternity action in the Kenton Family Court pursuant to KRS Chapter 406.

After this decision of the Kentucky Supreme Court, everything in the recitation of facts set forth above that is not in bold would have been excluded from testimony on the grounds that it was not legally relevant. Like "no fault" divorce, this innovation will save the husband, mother, genetic father, lawyers and judge hours of uncomfortable testimony about the sex lives and feelings of married couples and adulterers, will bring increased certainty to the law, will fit more squarely with modern views of what is just and fair, and will generally dispense will court hearings on that issue of paternity entirely - the real trial will take place in some genetic testing laboratory based entirely on scientific principles that are far more reliable than court testimony in this situation, rather than the ordinary court evidentiary process.

The notion that someone who is an established parent of a child is entitled to participate in the parenting of that child, absent of finding of unfitness, is a bedrock principle of family law in every U.S. state and probably has constitutional dimensions at this point. Also, given that it is common place in modern society for people who are not married to each other and may each be currently married to other people to co-parent a child, it is not as if this situation poses any special difficulties for family courts or societal institutions that deal with parents and children to handle.

What did the dissenting judges say?

The Chief Justice's dissent was lawyerly, and addressed the conclusiveness of the presumption, stating in the pertinent part:

The General Assembly could have adopted substantially the same
definition by incorporating into KRS 406 .011 the language proposed by the drafters of the Uniform Act on Paternity (1960) : "[a] child born out of wedlock includes a child born to a married woman by a man other than her husband." But it chose not to; instead, it explicitly "includes" in KRS 406.011 "a child born to a married woman" as a child born out of wedlock only "where evidence shows that the marital relationship between the husband and wife ceased ten (10) months prior to the birth of the child ." See J.N.R., 264 S .W.3d at 590-91. And while use of the term includes might otherwise signal an illustrative rather than exhaustive term, I believe that the legislature's refusal to adopt the broad definition proposed by the Uniform Act on Paternity draft evinces a clear legislative intent contrary to the majority's interpretation. Given that KRS 406.180 states that KRS Chapter 406 only applies to births "out of wedlock" and that the legislature chose not to adopt the definition of born out of wedlock that the majority adopts today, I do not agree with the majority that the trial court had subject matter jurisdiction simply because a paternity action was purportedly filed under KRS 406.021.

Perhaps changing mores and the advent of DNA testing call for a
different approach than the one the legislature chose in decades past . If so, the legislature should undertake that broad policy debate. But I do not believe it is proper for this Court to amend the statutes by construing them in a manner contrary to the legislature's clear intent.

The Chief Justice does not engage, perhaps because it was not adequately briefed, or perhaps because the dissent was a lost cause anyway, the constitutional argument that his proposed reading of the statute denies the father of the child a constitutional right to be recognized as a parent and to be involved in the parenting of his child absent abuse or neglect.

The other two dissenting justices on the Kentucky Supreme Court wrote a short opinion that was weak on the law, weak on the facts and classic cases of pounding on the table with characteristic Appalacian bluster and evangelical moral outrage. They also raise another issue. In their view, the problem is not necessarily that the presumption that a man married to the mother is conclusive, but that a challenge to that presumption can be raised by someone other than the man married to the mother. Thus, they want to allow a cuckolded man to have the right to challenge paternity, but also the right not to have the paternity of children of his wife, whatever their genetic ancestry may actually be, contested by "the other man." They state in their short opinion:

We vigorously dissent under the same banner for which we wrote in J.N.R. v. O'Reilly, 264 S .W.3d 587 (Ky. 2008). In essence, we hold strongly that only partners to marriage have the standing to question the legitimacy of children born during their marriage. Interlopers cannot use their own adulterous behavior as a license to invade and disrupt the matrimonial circle. The majority here deals with only one child. We speak for the thousands of children yet unborn . For centuries, the institution of marriage has "been the rock in the shadow of which children are born, shaded, protected, and nurtured." Id. at 599 (Cunningham, J., concurring in result only). Our extended comments in the J.N.R. case will be left to speak for our refusal to stand quietly by as the legal institution of marriage is surrendered to the funeral pyre of modern convenience and unanchored values. We refuse to bow down to the "Gods of the Market-Place ." RUDYARD KIPLING, THE GODS OF THE COPYBOOK HEADINGS (1919) . Who is right and who is wrong in our debate will be left to the long view of history.

It will be interesting to see how this decision plays out in the next election for Kentucky Supreme Court seats in this religiously conservative state: "The Court has seven justices, each of whom is elected for an eight-year term from one of seven geographic districts in non-partisan elections. The justices' terms are staggered; they do not all run for election in the same years. The justices choose one of their number to serve a four-year term as chief justice[.]"

The Chief Justice (from a district that includes Bowling Green, Kentucky) and the lead author for the other dissenting opinion face the voters in 2015. The concurring judge to the other dissenting opinion faces the voters in 2013 in the 7th Supreme Court District, which consists of 22 counties in Eastern Kentucky. Three justices in the majority face voters in 2016 and the other faces voters in 2015.
READ MORE - Parental Rights For The Other Man

Jumat, 13 Mei 2011

College Graduates Usually Live With Parents After Graduating

When I graduated from college, I went straight to law school, and from law school, straight to a home that my wife and I shared with no one else but our cat.  I've never moved back in with my parents and neither did my brother after he graduated from college, nor did either of our spouses.  But, this pattern is increasingly rare. 

A new survey discussed by Time Magazine finds that 85% of college graduates move back in with their parents after graduating from college.  The iconic modern American twentysomething is comic strip character Dustin, who spends days looking for jobs and nights at home with his parents, and his undead television comedy counterpart "George" (played by Ellen Muth) in the series "Dead Like Me," both of which presciently debuted before the current economy made their protagonists' experiences so routine.  What is driving the trend?
Times are undeniably tough. Reports have placed the unemployment rate for the under-25 group as high as 54%. Many of these unemployed graduates are choosing to go into higher education in an attempt to wait out the job market, while others are going anywhere — and doing anything — for work. Meanwhile, moving back home helps with expenses and paying off student loans.
Failure to launch, is no longer the exception.  It is the norm in the current economy.  This also helps to explain why more and more young twenty-somethings are deferring getting married and having kids.  Household formation rates are at record lows.  We are experience the baby boom in reverse.

The particularly troubling part is that missteps at the beginning of a career often have a disproportionate impact on a person's entire work life.  If this is really just a temporary bump in the road, it isn't that big a deal in the greater scheme of things, but this may be a far more serious case of a nascent lost generation.  When the economy picks up again, that big businesses and professional firms that would have hired people from the last few crops of college graduates to entry level jobs that put those hires on a path to high end careers are likely to hire almost entirely from the most recent crop of new graduates, rather than trying to locate promising talent that was missed in the prior years when hiring was stopped or slowed.  Even for those new graduates who wash out of their plum first jobs a few years later as firms winow out all but the most talented prospects whom they promote, not starting off at a plum job may make the difference between being able to pay off students loans in five years and being able to pay off student loans in twenty years.

For bright new college graduates, their prospects are not totally crushed.  The current bought of unemployment is probably cyclic.  When the economy comes back, there will be jobs and it is always better to be in the job market with a college degree than to be without one.  But, jobless new graduates are left in a particularly frustrating position.  While commentators like David Brooks wants to call them lazy, what can they do?
It’s difficult to argue that they need to go to college, because they did. It’s difficult to argue that they can’t move to new jobs (unlikely to be homeowners) or suffer high health care costs (doesn’t health care reform allow employers to push their health costs onto their parents’ employer?). Unless we think that the graduating class of 2008 is fundamentally worse than the graduate class of 2006 I don’t see a technology problem.

Also for fun, the graduating classes post-Recession have increasingly large student debt loans, which should lower the reservation wage they’ll accept due to liquidity pressures. So the idea that everyone 20-24 is on vacation is harder to accept compared to earlier years.
New college graduates emerging out into the world this year are no more, and no less than unlucky.  They should have been born a few years earlier or later than the year that I graduated from high school, but they weren't.

We can hope, at least, that this will be merely a temporary circumstance.  But, it isn't impossible that this trend will endure.  For example, one of the major forces driving Islamic terrorism in the world is the existence of an immense class of unemployed college graduates across the oil rich states of the Middle East and North Africa.  Indeed, the suicide of a once too often discouraged college graduate in Tunisia was the spark the set off the wave of revolutions that have dislodged or tried to remove authoritarian regimes across tthe regime.  Similarly, this phenomena has been the norm in Japan ever since it experienced its housing bubble collapse triggered lost decade, long before the financial crisis, and it has defined a whole generation since then.  There is not obvious end to that trend on the horizon in Japan.
READ MORE - College Graduates Usually Live With Parents After Graduating

Rabu, 11 Mei 2011

Religion and Politics Drives Spouse Selection

It may not be polite to discuss religion and politics with mere acquaintances, but these matters go to the core of our revealed preferences in our choice of a spouse.
On a scale of 0 to 1, where 1 means perfectly matched, physical traits (body shape, weight and height) only score between 0.1 and 0.2 among spouse pairs. Personality traits, such as extroversion or impulsivity, are also weak and fall within the 0 to 0.2 range. By comparison, the score for political ideology is more than 0.6, higher than any of the other measured traits except frequency of church attendance, which was just over 0.7. . . .
An important point of the paper apparently is that this correlation does not emerge through convergence over the term of a relationship. Rather, partners are strongly similar at the beginning of relationships.  
From here, via Gene Expression, both relying on Alford, Hibbing and Peter K. Hatemi, "The Politics of Mate Choice," Journal of Politics, April 2011. The sample size was 5000 married couples.
READ MORE - Religion and Politics Drives Spouse Selection

Jumat, 29 April 2011

A Blessed Union



So, yes, like many others, I was glued (off and on) to the T.V., taking in the beauty of the royal wedding. I love wedding ceremonies, be they great or small.



I love the godly tradition of man and woman united in holy matrimony, before the very God of life. I am amazed at how God created such an institution, so great, so binding, so blessed, that it is compared to Jesus Christ's relationship with the church. This great mystery, in which the sinless, blameless, Christ is in such love, and is united with a church, a body, full of sinners who realize they are in need of grace. This great mystery in which a man and a woman, from different families, various experiences, now share a bond so sacred, they are more than "family," but they are one flesh. This great mystery! (Ephesians 5:22-31)



I want to share with you a few excerpts from a sermon given today at the royal wedding, by the Right Reverend Dr. Richard Chartres, Lord Bishop of London. His words on marriage:



"'Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.' So said St. Catherine of Siena whose festival day it is today. Marriage is intended to be a way in which man and woman help each other to become what God meant each one to be, their deepest and truest selves.





Many are full of fear for the future of the prospects of our world but the message of the celebrations in this country and far beyond its shores is the right one – this is a joyful day! It is good that people in every continent are able to share in these celebrations because this is, as every wedding day should be, a day of hope.




In a sense every wedding is a royal wedding with the bride and the groom as king and queen of creation, making a new life together so that life can flow through them into the future.



William and Catherine, you have chosen to be married in the sight of a generous God who so loved the world that he gave himself to us in the person of Jesus Christ.




And in the Spirit of this generous God, husband and wife are to give themselves to each another.



A spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this; the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed. In marriage we are seeking to bring one another into fuller life.





It is of course very hard to wean ourselves away from self-centredness. And people can dream of doing such a thing but the hope should be fulfilled, it is necessary, a solemn decision that, whatever the difficulties, we are committed to the way of generous love. . .




. . . Marriage should transform, as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform as long as we do not harbour ambitions to reform our partner. There must be no coercion if the Spirit is to flow; each must give the other space and freedom. . .


 
. . . As the reality of God has faded from so many lives in the West, there has been a corresponding inflation of expectations that personal relations alone will supply meaning and happiness in life. This is to load our partner with too great a burden. We are all incomplete: we all need the love which is secure, rather than oppressive, we need mutual forgiveness, to thrive.




As we move towards our partner in love, following the example of Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit is quickened within us and can increasingly fill our lives with light. This leads to a family life which offers the best conditions in which the next generation can practise and exchange those gifts which can overcome fear and division and incubate the coming world of the Spirit, whose fruits are love and joy and peace."




(Click HERE for the full sermon.)



How remarkable, these words, spoken in a time when many take marriage lightly, nothing more than a contract, an arrangement, a matter of convenience. But these words remind us of the great joy, the great love, and the great responsibility marriage brings--this great mystery.
READ MORE - A Blessed Union

Rabu, 27 April 2011

"Your Type" In Marriage Isn't Genetic

A new twin study finds that while people tend to choose spouses who are similar to themselves, that mate choice doesn't seem to have any other hereditary component. Twins choose spouses who are no more or less similar to them than non-twins.

The myth that boys tend to choose spouses who are similar to their mothers, while girls tend to choose spouses who are similar to their fathers, also doesn't stand up to empirical scrutiny. People tend to choose spouses who are more similar to them than their opposite sex parent.

The study (from here citing Brendan P. Zietsch, Karin J. H. Verweij, Andrew C. Heath, Nicholas G. Martin. "Variation in Human Mate Choice: Simultaneously Investigating Heritability, Parental Influence, Sexual Imprinting, and Assortative Mating." The American Naturalist, 2011; 177 (5): 605 DOI: 10.1086/659629) involved more than 20,000 subjects and examined traits including height, body mass index, education, income, personality, social attitudes and religiosity.

The only trend discovered, other than a strong tendency of people who choose mates who are like themselves in the measured traits at the time they meet (convergence towards each other in traits over time was ruled out), was a tendency for a woman's family background to influence her choices in terms of age and income.

The tendency to choose someone similar to yourself as a spouse is strongest for age, social attitudes and religiosity, moderate for IQ, education and physical attractiveness, and less strong, but still statistically significant, for height, weight and personality traits.

Pheromone transmitted information about a potential mates MHC complex of genes (related to immunity) influences someone's attractiveness but has essentially no actual impact on who people actually end up in a long term relationship with in the end. The degree of MHC similarity or dissimilarity in married couples is no different that would be expected from random chance.

People also tend to deceive themselves about what kind of person they want in marriage. There is little connection between self-reported preferences in a potential mate and the person that people actually chose to marry.

The study did not attempt to measure which marriages worked and which did not, only what kind of people individuals actually choose to marry in the first place. Thus, the study doesn't rule out the possibility that the best person for someone to marry has traits different than the person an individual is most likely to marry.

In a somewhat related matter, sexual orientation is almost completely unrelated to shared family environment or prevailing societal attitudes. A large (n=7600) twin study in Sweden found that sexual orientation was explained 0%-17% by shared environment (including familial and societal attitudes), 18%-39% by genetics, and 61%-66% by unique environment, "for example, circumstances during pregnancy and childbirth, physical and psychological trauma (e.g., accidents, violence, and disease), peer groups, and sexual experiences." The study was Niklas Långström, Qazi Rahman, Eva Carlström, Paul Lichtenstein. "Genetic and Environmental Effects on Same-sex Sexual Behaviour: A Population Study of Twins in Sweden." Archives of Sexual Behaviour, 7 June 2008 DOI: 10.1007/s10508-008-9386-1. At least in a large share of cases, there is a fair amount of evidence that sexual orientation tends to be congential and is related to some extent to genes and to some extent to hormone exposure in utero and possibly to other epigenetic or in utero enviromental factors.
READ MORE - "Your Type" In Marriage Isn't Genetic

Kamis, 21 April 2011

Jobs Situation Still Bad And Other Bad News

There are currently 130.738 million payroll jobs in the U.S. (as of March 2011). There were 130.781 million payroll jobs in January 2000. So that is over eleven years with no increase in total payroll jobs.

And the median household income in constant dollars was $49,777 in 2009. That is barely above the $49,309 in 1997, and below the $51,100 in 1998. . . . The aughts were a lost decade for most Americans. . . .

There are currently 7.25 million fewer payroll jobs than before the recession started in 2007, with 13.5 million Americans currently unemployed. Another 8.4 million are working part time for economic reasons, and about 4 million more workers have left the labor force. Of those unemployed, 6.1 million have been unemployed for six months or more.

From here.

The availability of jobs and the real wages paid in jobs are the numbers that matter most to the vast majority of Americans. Housing values relative to mortgage debt, for which we also have a lost decade or worse, is one of the few other numbers that matters for the minority of Americans, but majority of middle class Americans, who own homes.

Beyond those numbers, investment and retirement and education account balances matter, but far less so, and those numbers didn't have a great decade either. And, after that we worry about how the real wages get spent. An increasing share of real wages is getting spent on health care and college tuitions, and that squeeze on family budgets in most cases more than offsets the fact that taxes are the lowest that they have been in sixty years (although they are certainly not the least complex to comply with in that time period) and that financial investments are starting to bounce back.

A longer term perspective on the last few decades is also in order.

The lot of the working class in America has been basically stagnant for the last four decades, even as the economy as a whole has seen substantial economic growth in that time period. Less educated workers have had regular periods of unemployment and stagnant real wages, their children have had less opportunity for socio-economic advancement than their parents did. Even socio-economic advancement through marriage has declined. And, the institution of marriage has suffered tremendously for working class Americans. Divorce rates have surged and marriage rates have dramatically declined for the working class without sufficiently compensating increased stability in non-marital intimate relationships. At first, the same thing seemed to happen for more educated couples, but the trend for them reversed they are now less likely to divorce and more likely to get married and have successful marriages than their parents.

In the last couple of decades, the stagnation that hit the working class first has worked its way up the social class ladder. Soon, low level white collar workers were as squeezed a blue collar workers. In last decade or so, even lower level managerial and professional workers, and college graduates with less elite credentials have failed to capture a significant share of the expanding economic pie whose fruits have grown more and more concentrated at the very, very top. Just before the financial crisis, this concentration of wealth and income reached levels not seen since the eve of the Great Depression. Despite initial optimism that the financial crisis would have a leveling effect that would counteract these excesses, later assessments have suggests that this hasn't happened to nearly the extent most people has expected.

The economic story of the last few decades had still been a story of great prosperity on average until late 2007, and remains a story of prosperity over time frames longer than a decade. But, it has not been a story of shared prosperity. As a whole, economic growth has continued to match trendlines, but broken down by social class, the vast majority of Americans our economy doesn't look like its thriving.

Worse yet, we don't really have any good economic theory to tell us why this is happening and how to fix it. Economists have been so fixated on macroeconomic productivity growth and political economy virtues or lack thereof of government involvement in the economy, that they have been content to simply throw changes in the distribution of wealth between social classes in the economy into a black box whose results are measured but mechanisms are ill understood.

Sociologists and some economists at the fringe of the profession have observed qualitatively that this seems to be related to the increased importance of knowledge or creativity in our economy, but most are a far cry from being able to tell a coherent story that explains why we don't build things anymore and what is making this knowledge and creativity important, and whether there is anything short of outright transfer payments that could lead to a better deal for those who are not part of an information elite.

The obvious hope would be to create a better trained workforce that can better meet our nation's needs. But, given our already highly educated by international standards workforce, and evidence trickling in that passing out more credentials isn't necessarily producing gains for those who receive them that are all that great in excess of sorting effects, it is hard to say that this extremely expensive strategy for leveling the playing field would actually work. It appears that one of the main reasons that our European competitors, at least, have a more level playing field is that they do have more generous tax and transfer payment methods for directly equalizing outcomes and forcing people to share their prosperity. Not all prosperous economies have deindustrialized to the extent that the United States has, but there isn't decisive evidence to indicate that manufacturing goods is a better strategy than providing services.

One of the narratives floating out there, called the "Great Stagnation" suggests that the problem is not temporary. Instead, it may be a new status quo, as technologically driven advancements in technology slow down because we know a greater share of everything that there is to know, and the people who can expand the pie with their knowlege has to be sweeter (and hence is harder to share with others) because the available pool of people who can make those kinds of contributions to the economy is shrinking.

We aren't a poor nation. We have a high per capita GDP. We have a highly educated work force that devotes intense effort to keeping our nation's economy productive. Sustained homelessness and health threatening hunger are still very rare by international standards. Crime is modest. We pay a public health price for failing to provide universal health care, but many people who are uninsured end up not needing health care that costs more than they can afford and can't secure with credit. Housing is more affordable right now than it has been in a long time, and an average person can afford a pretty impressive package of goods and services, particularly when you recognize that technology has been today's versions of what we used to buy better in many respects than it used to be. Unemployment is high, but doesn't seem to be continuing to surge out of control. Even if our level of material prosperity per capita didn't increase at all, we can afford a pretty decent life for all with only some pretty modest tweaking of the status quo. Part of the policy issue before us as a nation is how much we need to continue to focus on making an already large economic pie bigger and need to have never ending economic growth, and how much we need to accept that we are producing what we can and make better distributions of it from a social welfare perspective.

The lack of a real national agenda or plan for recovery would be terrifying in other countries, but, while it certainly doesn't help moral much, our political leaders have long ago given up almost entirely on attempting to craft one in favor of throwing themselves upon the mercies of the decentralized decision making methods of a market economy that nobody really understands as well as they would like to understand it.
READ MORE - Jobs Situation Still Bad And Other Bad News